One last Hug xoxoxo

A poem for my mom : 



A Mother's Love

There are times when only a Mother's love
Can understand our tears,
Can soothe our disappoints
And calm all of our fears. There are times when only a Mother's love
Can share the joy we feel
When something we've dreamed about
Quite suddenly is real.
There are times when only a Mother's faith
Can help us on life's way
And inspire in us the confidence
We need from day to day.
For a Mother's heart and a Mother's faith
And a Mother's steadfast love
Were fashioned by the Angels
And sent from God above...
- Author Unknown.

Got a text msg from my sister a few hours ago.  My mom is unresponsive at Mckee Medical Center.  Failure to Thrive, kidney failure, non-responsive.  My mom has been sick for many years.  Parkinson's disease.   In remembrance of her I found this poem. 
 
I have no words. . . .There was so much pain in my mom's life.  Some of that pain, I caused.  Even though I have tried many time to say "I'm sorry" . . .. those words had lost their meaning long ago.
 
 The very few times mom would actually sit down and "connect" with me . .. . I caught glimpses of her beauty, her soul . . . she was very strong in her faith in God . . . .on my last visit with her I found her bible . . . .I loved the scriptures she had marked and the notes she had written on the pages .. . . .
I remember she loved sharing a cup of tea with me . . .I was always in hopes that when she brought our tea . . . she would sit and talk and share conversation with me . . .but, no, she would tell me how much I would like this blend of tea and continue reading her book, or watching her show on TV. . . .
 
There were times I would try to share her pain . . .at my nephews funeral . . . at the viewing she had stepped outside, I gave her a moment, then I followed . . . we were on the steps of the funeral home. . .I began slowly . . . ."Mom, this is painful . . . I am reminded of when I was a little girl and granpa died, and when Darryl died. . . I can't imagine the pain of losing a child . . ." she walked away from me - - I let her go . . .but I know God was always holding her close . . . .

 ****My grand father died when I was little.  Her father.  Lukemia (cancer)  and Darryl was my baby brother who died when he was 2 - - I was 10 - - my nephew, Derrick died at the age of 5, accident.

I watched, as a child, my father beat her and walk out on her.  I watched her stand by my step dad when he went through heart bypass surgery and years of health issues.  I watched as she gave the eulogy at my step dads funeral . . .. she said all she ever wanted was for his daughters and her children to become closer . . .it was the first time I had known what she wanted. 

Then her mother passed away . . . she grew more distant . . . I was visiting once and heard a voice message on her machine, from an old school friend, Violet . . .she left her number, I posted it on the fridge.  When I asked her about her friend, Violet - - her answer was harsh "Oh, shes a cripple girl that was in my class, I don't have anything to say to her" 

I could never communicate with my mom . . . we were disconnected from one another . . . she is my mom. . .I do love her . .. my hope is she is at rest, peace and no longer in pain. 

love you mom xoxo